Tuesday, March 08, 2016

My pick for President


Today is the day.

Today is the day that voters across Michigan go to the polls to choose their preferred candidate in the presidential primary.

Will it be Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders for the Democrats?

Among the Republicans, we can choose among luminaries like Donald Trump, who recently spent time in Detroit letting everyone know that his hands - and, by logical extension, his penis - are all of more than adequate size. (Side note: I really, really wish I could say that I was making this part up. Sadly, it's all true.)

Other worthy Republicans include U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, U.S. Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, and Governor John Kasich of Ohio.

Each of these candidates has their own set of pros and cons. However, in my opinion, there is one person who outshines them all.

One candidate with hands large enough to make Donald Trump's seem small and dainty.

One candidate with more experience than Clinton, Sanders, Cruz, Rubio, and Kasich combined.

One candidate who we can count on to lead us during our darkest hour.

One candidate who we can count on to lead us towards the light.

Ladies and gentlemen, I urge you to go to the polls today and choose Chewbacca. Let the Wookie win!
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